My Way of Thanking You My Choi:)

When my father died, I thought I won't be dealing with another ordeal of permanent goodbye. Losing a parent is the most painful thing I had to endure, but losing a dearest cousin in unexpected time is much harder to recover with. It is not that I love my cousin most than my father, is just that God had prepared me to lose my father anytime soon because he's been sick for 4 years and God doesn't wants my father to feel more pain and so with the whole family. I rather like to see him rest in HIS kingdom than stays here on earth and bear his physical pain everyday. It's been a year since he breath his last, and up to these days, I'm still recovering from his absence. But what I did not expect the most, is to feel that grief again, travelling to the road of acceptance and healing of losing someone who is dear to everybody. Until this day, I still can't believe that my cousin Choi have left us while him is peacefully and happily resting in the arms of our loving God.

 

 

Choi will surely be missed. Not just by his families but of his friends and co-workers as well. What I gradually learned from losing a loved one twice is that to look back on how they have touched my life rather than drooling myself on missing them. During spending the last days at funeral with Choi I tried to look back and rekindle the good memories we had shared together and what kind of son, cousin and a friend he is to everybody.

 

 

I am always thankful to our Lola Nonay for bringing us 15 cousins closer together. When we were young, my lola would gather us all during summer and spend time together for the whole season. Since we are the only family who is left in our province in Pamplona Cagayan Valley, I'm always eager to know if they would come home and spend the whole summer with us. Sometime in the early '90's before my lola said goodbye, she granted my utmost request. Though every summer my other cousin Sandra would always spend summer with me, it is more playful and happy to be with the whole cousins. At very young age, I barely knew all of their names. Choi then was irresistibly cute, he was so chubby and his hair is so fluffy. One thing I remembered him (as his fashion trademark) up to this days is his Japanese soldier cap. It was some shade of blue with multi colors and he always wears that whenever he goes outdoor. He was quiet and just gives a quaint smile whenever I bumped into him. But when lola died and her mom Tita Elga always adopts us to spend summer in their home in Pampanga that was the beginning to know Choi more. He would always feel me at home, giving me chocolates and introducing me to his friends within their neighborhood. Together with her eldest sister Ate Nico, they introduced me to watch english movies. On weekends, we would go to Video City to rent some VHS movie and that's when I had my first english movie that I ever watched, Something About Mary. Choi would always makes me feel that I am part of their family, just the same attitude he inherited from Tita Elga and Tito Alex.

 

 

 

 

 

 

We became even more closer when I went here in Manila and pursued my college education. Being a probinsyana, I am so lost with how to go to different vicinities in the Metro, that is where I asked Choi's navigation skills. Whenever I have to attend my friend's debut, it is Choi who I turn to.Accompanying me to my friend's debut was one of our escapades back then. They often mislead us as lovers and we just laughed it off. My friend's would always tell me "mackie gwapo sya" and then we just laughed out loud. We became roomates then when we still live in Cubao. We live in a separate apartment but I always invite him for a sleep over in our house. Before going to bed, I would share him how my day was at school which we ended sleeping til dawn. And when I had my first job as event coordinator Choi patiently and gamely helping me organize my every event. The most memorable one is when we conducted an event in a mall at La Union with totally nobody to rely on. We are strangers in a stranger land but Choi was there to boost my confidence. He never left me together with his bestfriend  Joy. Whenever I pass by at Hotel Mikka in La Union, instantly our unforgettable experience there hit me and I simply smile. We are truly a survivor. That is how he is, a staunch supporter, a jolly speaker and a good listener.

 

 

 

The memories we shared together are simply numerous to mention. Just like any friendship, we too have our own disagreements, but we don't wait  for days or weeks before it is resolved, over all, it is happiness and fun times that we mostly shared. Everything at home and some part of me reminds me of Choi and that makes me miss him so much. 
I miss our teasing moments because that is our way of "lambingan", I miss him telling me I am a good cook, (which by the way my pork binagoongan is his favorite recipe of mine), and he is also a good cook (my favorite recipe of his is carbonara which I always asked him how he makes the sauce so creamy). I miss it when he would not open the door when I ring their doorbell, he would enjoy seeing me standing there for minutes before finally letting me in. I miss him telling me how colorful my fashion sense is and reprimanding me to take a closer look in the mirror. And most of all, I miss the times we talk about Philippine Azkals which obviously we're a big fan. Whenever I attend Azkal event it is him who I txt first and tell him my excitement about my Azkal crush.

For the coming days to come, occassions will never be the same again. Choi has left a big and empty hole that will never be fill by the very same Choi again. We know that he is now happily at home where he truly belong and God will now take care of him, we can't just easily face that we can't have in anymore. I always pray for Choi, always thanking him for touching the lives of his family and friends. Thank you Choi for keeping the whole family together and thank you for the laughter and good memories which we will forever hold. 

Thank you Lord for giving me the two beautiful people in my life, Papa and Choi, without them my life wouldn't be this great. One thing I just pray to you Lord, in the next life that you will give me, kindly give me still my Papa and my Choi. I just can't simply trade them to anybody in this world. Rest my dear Choi and I miss see you again in HIS own time. I love you so much Papa, I love you so much Choi..